Santa Clara Meditation Find Your True Self – How do you cope with anxiety?
What may be a trial for some, may not be a trial for others.
Research has shown that when people face a really tough crisis, they worry a lot, instead of looking for ways to solve the crisis. Their worries create another negative state of mind, so that they are under even more stress. This stress, on top of the anxiety they already have, does not help at all in getting out of the crisis they are experiencing. So what on earth should they do?
Both of my parents were school teachers. Because they both worked during the day, my grandmother took care of me and my younger brother during my childhood. When I was in elementary school, I went to several academies after school. I went to a piano school, a calligraphy school, a Taekwondo school, and an art school. It was a pleasure to learn new things. Also, I enjoyed playing soccer, baseball, basketball, and hanging out with my friends.
But when I went to middle school, I had a hard time with friends. I wanted to study better than anyone else. At the same time, I felt a lot of anxiety and distress as I struggled with friendships, because I was so selfishly devoted to my studies. When it came to school grades, I struggled with the standards of perfection that I had set for myself. I wanted to get along well with friends and also study better than any of them. In a word, I was greedy. I always felt uneasy and troubled. I felt as if I were being chased by something. I was frustrated when I could not meet my high expectations.
In high school, in order to prepare for college, I excluded friends and devoted myself to studying thoroughly. Even though I studied really hard, I was frustrated because I didn’t do as well as I expected in the 3rd high school SAT exam.
I was really struggling with deep frustrations at that time and my parents encouraged me to start meditation. While meditating, for the first time ever in my life, I looked back on myself and my life lived. Looking back, I realized that I only wanted to be doing well and that I had lived only to be the best and to be recognized by others. I had been very selfish and self-centered. At the same time, I found out that I resented the world and felt depressed. I was thinking that I had worked so hard and I could not understand why the results were not the way I expected them to be. And I always had anxiety but I didn’t know why. I was really distressed when I would wake up in the morning with a pounding heart, without knowing the specific reason for my anxiety.
But before I started meditation, I did not know why I had these feelings. I was just annoyed. Looking deeply at my life through meditation, I realized why. It was because I always wanted to be ahead of others. I felt that I should be the best, and I should always be recognized. Because I lived with such selfishness and greed, I saw everyone as my competitors and I was afraid that I might fall behind others, instead of being ahead of them.
However, through meditation, I was able to throw away this selfish mind.
I had always believed that that was who I was, but, as I found myself through meditation, I realized that I didn’t have to make life so difficult for myself anymore. I didn’t have to live such a selfish life anymore. My tears flowed down.
Through meditation, I have been able to manage my stress and emotions well, I have my concentration, my mind is at peace, and my body is healthy. Most of all, I live happily every day because I have discovered my true self.
Here’s a short meditation video that may help you. Thank you!
