Santa Clara Meditation Self Actualization – How does ego always fight with self and attachments?
Throughout my life, I have worn many masks. When I was the youngest I can remember, I was a daring, confident kid. I could express my opinion confidently without hesitation. Then I went to kindergarten, and while going to school, bumping into friends, I learned to wear a mask. If I met a friend who was more dominant than me, I would lose the fight. So I wore the mask of pretending to be nice and meek. After living 46 years and wearing multiple masks, I forgot my true and natural self. I wore a mask that gets along well with people, so my friends knew that I was a good person. I didn’t want to disappoint them. In the end, it was me who got hurt after the fight. So, to protect me, I had to keep a mask. But I knew that this mask was not my original self. And I felt a strong desire to take off it and be free.
Even after meditating, I still had this mask. By meditating, I felt a lot more at ease, and I gave up on my attachment to people’s love and interest. Then one day, I remembered myself when I was very young. I, as an independent being, did not care about anyone and did not dwell on the love and interest of others. And I made up my mind to throw away a mask of ‘kindness’. I had created to get along with people. And I gave myself a hug for all my hard work. I put in a lot of effort during that time. You don’t have to be nice and kind. Just being who I am is enough reason to live in this world.
When I take off the mask, I can breathe well and my mind is at ease. I don’t lie anymore. Surprisingly, I don’t get angry very well, and I have a lot of room to understand others. The stories in their hearts have become more comfortable for people. And I also learned that the world is so big and wide that I embrace whatever I am. Anyway, the important thing is that I am happy now and my mind is at peace.
by Donna Seo
