Santa Clara Meditation Clean Mind – What is the one thing that you want to change about yourself?
I want to get rid of the mirage in my head.
It is a mirage that people who get lost in the desert see when their body lacks water and they become confused. Have you ever seen it? I’ve never been to a desert, and I’ve never actually seen a mirage, but I wanted to get rid of the crazy idea I had in my life when I called it a mirage, and now it’s gone.
For example, I used to remember and recall the colors, shapes, atmospheres, and even smells of travel destinations. When I grew up, my memories were mixed with the photos I took while traveling around the world, so when my daily life was difficult or boring, I was obsessed with the memories of the past like a fever. So when I encountered similar buildings and landscapes I had seen on my travels in the past, I was caught up in the thought of going back to the past and could not be satisfied with my present life. Even the shape of the earth and the color of the sky came to mind in my memories, and I tried to find the shape and color in reality. It was like a thirsty traveler running in search of an oasis beyond the desert horizon.
Living with this kind of heart, I couldn’t live in the present. My mind is neither a disease nor a serious mental defect, but if I am caught up in these thoughts, I have no strong will to live in the present.
But I was able to get rid of this delusion through meditation. Meditation helped me a lot in changing me from living in the memories of the past to living in the present. I’ve come to realize that thoughts are fakes that have no substance. And I practiced letting go of that thought, little by little every day. Before going to bed, think about what happened in the day for 10 minutes. The day has already come to an end, and even though I’m lying in bed right now, the images that come to my mind are a mirage that doesn’t even exist.
When I let go of my thoughts, I no longer live in the memories of the past. And I do my best in the present. And as I do my best at this moment, which will never happen again, my co-workers praise me for working hard. Even when I go on a trip with my family, I can be in the moment such as playing and relaxing.
by Donna Seo
