Santa Clara Meditation Depression – What are some of the most effective ways to fight depression?
I’m a mother of two kids in mid-40s. I studied film directing in college and was working but then had to quit my job when I had my kids. It was psychologically very difficult for me to live as a full-time housewife. My friends from college were becoming movie directors, opening a studio of their own, or taking charge of the entire department in a major company but it seemed like I was stuck and now getting anywhere.
It seemed like I was withering from the endless chores and raising our kids while my husband was thriving at work. I would often feel hurt when I talked to my husband. I would try to tell myself that it means a lot to me to raise our children, but I still felt like everything that I was doing were inconsequential. I started turning into a different person over our 13 years of marriage. I used to be a bright, outgoing and enthusiastic person, but I was becoming a mom with an anger issue who’s depressed, lethargic, and self-conscious. And do you know what was the worst part of it all? The way I saw myself – that I’m being forgotten and becoming a useless person. I was consumed with shame and life didn’t bring me joy anymore.
As my children grew up, I started having more time to myself. One day, one of the elders that were close to me asked, “What’s your dream, Donna?”. I obviously couldn’t answer that question. ‘A dream? For a 40-year-old mom?!’. When I thought about it later, I realized that dream or goal has not been a part of me. I used to be an ambitious young woman who had so many things that I wanted to do that I would spare my sleep to reach for my dreams. I remember this day even to this day. The day when I realized that there’s nothing left of me except an empty shell, like a scarecrow, I was horrified. I’m really going to be forgotten like this. How pathetic is my life? This can’t be the reason why was born into this world, to live such a meaningless life…I was scared and sad.
Fortunately, I had a friend who empathized with my feelings. She has turned her life around after meditation, and she’s always been recommending the meditation to me. She told me that there’s no need for me to suffer like this, that she wishes I would escape from the depression and helplessness as soon as possible.
I mustered up all the remaining courage in me and began meditating. I could continue meditating regularly everyday because the more I meditated, the more I could discard the countless thoughts. The useless worries, anger, feeling of depression and helplessness, cognitive errors – I discarded all of those countless thoughts. In fact, it wasn’t until a while after I began to meditate that I realized how much of the anger, irritation, and negative minds I had. I’m sure you know someone like that – someone who just can’t stop complaining about everything. These people don’t even realize that they are behaving that way. I was one of those people.
Meditation has completely transformed me. Those who were first to notice my changes were my sons and my husband. My kids loved it after I started meditation. My sons told me that I was like a wicked witch, that I was violent and was angry all the time. My husband told me that he was surprised to see me actually enjoying the chores while I was doing them. My husband and my kids are meditating together with me after seeing my changes.
Do you want to escape from depression? Do meditation. Depression can be discarded. When you discard the depression, you can start moving your body. You can actually put your thought into action right away. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, but changes happen when you start doing something, even if it may be small. The chores that used to be such a burden to me, raising my kids, studying another language…you can start taking baby steps. If it wasn’t for meditation, I wouldn’t have been able to grow the strength of my mind. I’m certain about it. I would have been trapped in my thoughts and never would have escaped from them.
Now I have found it all – what it is that I like, what it is that I want to do, what are my dreams, what kind of life I want to live. The answer’s not far away. It is within every single one of our minds. You can find it as well. I am so grateful for the fact that I was born into this beautiful world and can live. Now, I have so many things that I want to do.
