Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – Even a Strong Gyeong-sang Province Man Respects His Wife
Jeomsul Oh / Agriculture
It happened when I was at this meditation with my wife at the Main Center. I lined up in front of the restaurant to have lunch. My wife came to me and hugged me. I was surprised. She was also surprised. My husband and I were very poor at expressing our minds. In particular, the wife was not a person who would usually say, I like my husband. To my amazement, my wife laughed, saying, “After letting go, I feel so peaceful and good.”
My personality starts with yelling, is there somewhere I can fix it?
When I was 28 and my wife was 23, we met through a matchmaker and got married. I was the oldest of 3 boys and 1 girl, and my wife was the oldest of 7 siblings. Having lived for over 30 years as a couple, we never had a big fight. But that was only because of my wife’s patience.
My wife was the oldest daughter-in-law, and she had to live with my parents. However the marriage was very severe. Because my mother yelled a lot and made her feel uncomfortable, my wife was under a lot of stress. Nevertheless, my wife accepted it well and kept it to herself. She couldn’t even complain to me. That was because she knew I would start yelling and things would escalate.
People of my age act about the same, but people in Gyeongsang Province are more blunt. My personality was exceptionally strong, as I grew up as the eldest son, and I got upset when things didn’t go my way. Even when dealing with other people, there were many people who were uncomfortable around me. I would tell people what was on my mind and cut them off before they could say a word.
I was also stressed out about myself. But the biggest victim was my wife. I tried to fix my mind because I was worried that it would get worse with age. I tried to stop drinking and smoking because I would get angry with alcohol, but it didn’t fix it. I was trying to find some way or place to fix my personality. Then I did this meditation.
‘Mrs. Kwak, thank you.’ I changed my way of addressing her
It was the second day of meditation. I felt like my mind was getting cooler as something, like a bundle of stones that had been stuck in my chest, disappeared. I realized that the responsibilities and burdens of the eldest son of a poor family were causing part of my anger. My mind was blocked by these things. I realized that everything was wrong. Especially, thoughts of my wife came up a lot.
I pitied her and felt so sorry because she had lived with hardship since the marriage with a poor and difficult husband. Nevertheless, instead of comforting, I started yelling if it didn’t go my way. She was a person who didn’t say a word no matter how hard it was because of her parents-in-law. I cried for four days when I realized how badly I had treated her. Back home, I apologized and said, “I was wrong,” and we shed tears together.
I changed the way I speak to my wife. In the past, I would call her childish names or whistle at her when I was working in the field. However, this meditation was a practice that allowed me to empty these minds that I held and respect other people. I started to call my wife ‘Mrs. Kwak’. “Mrs. Kwak, let’s have dinner. Mrs. Kwak, I ate well. Thank you, Mrs. Kwak.” Now, no matter who I am with, I call her ‘Mrs. Kwak’.
Our relationship as a couple became good, so now even tomato farming is better
My personality changed as I had hoped for but never expected. Before, I didn’t even know how to joke and express love. These days, I say, “I love you.” In the past, when my wife tried to go away for a long time, I always made her prepare my meal before she left. These days, I just tell her think like: “You don’t need to prepare my meal,” “You can leave now,” “I’ll prepare it later,” and “I’ll do the laundry.” In the past, I would instruct her to do what I wanted; now I tend to follow what my wife wants. About a year after I meditated, my wife also started meditation. Since then, we have had many more conversations.
As I meditated, I realized that my wife was very important. Before, I thought she was just a wife. But now I could see my wife as the great person that she was. So naturally, I began to appreciate my wife and no longer ignore her as I did before. She will also ask for my opinion and we can discuss things with each other. If you no longer put yourself on top and raise the other person the relationship can work out, if you don’t it can’t work out well.
My wife and I have been farming tomatoes for 35 years. Tomato farming seems to be good only when the couple has a good relationship. There are many things that need attention so cooperation is very important. Also, although it is a plant, tomatoes feel the atmosphere after listening to the conversation between us. Our minds might have affected the crops. Since we emptied our minds together, tomatoes are even growing better and not getting diseases. The farming is also improving. Our love has become fun; we laugh at each other, and treat the other person respectfully and lovingly. After do this meditation, both our minds have been transformed so dramatically.
