Santa Clara Meditation Find Your True Self – Meditation Miracle: Surviving Leukemia
Jong-geon Bae
This is the story of Jong-geon Bae, a man who miraculously overcame leukemia through meditation. He worked in retail banking for over 30 years. After being recognized for his strong work ethic, he was promoted to branch manager in early 2000. That winter, he was diagnosed with a rare blood cell cancer known as Chronic Myeloid Leukemia or CML. He was told by his doctor that he had an 8% chance of survival.
Resentments and Anger Arise – Why Did I Get Cancer?
It’s hard to believe that I got leukemia. When I first found out, it felt like my life was falling apart and I was lost. The disease rapidly developed from chronic into acute within the span of a year. The only treatment for leukemia, at the time, was to get a bone marrow transplant, but my doctors were having a hard time finding the right donor.
Finally, some good news came. There was a new leukemia drug called Gleevec which had just been approved. The probability of survival was only 8%. Even if I took the drug, there was a chance I could develop a resistance to it. There were so many days that I was filled with anxiety, wondering if I was going to die or if I would develop a resistance to this drug. Now that I was faced with my own mortality, I couldn’t help but think that my life was just a bubble.
Eventually, I quit my job as a branch manager and worked at a bank training institute. At that time, I went to a lecture on this meditation method which was sponsored by the Financial Supervisory Service. The thing that really stood out to me from the whole lecture was that I could let go, or abandon, my old ways of thinking and my old remembered thoughts. I really wanted to let go of my stressed out mind and all of this heavy situation of not knowing when or if I might die. So, I took a break from working and went on a meditation retreat. It was the first break I had taken in a long time and through this meditation, I knew I had an opportunity to face myself and reflect on my past life.
During meditation, I saw so much of my built-up resentments and self-pity. I wondered why, if there are so many bad people in the world, why am I the one who has this disease? I didn’t want others to feel sorry for me. It all sounded so fake. In the beginning, when I meditated, all of my anger towards the world and my blaming people who had been making my life so hard exploded from my mind like lava from a volcano. It wasn’t until I threw out the glut of negative thoughts that were blocking my mind that I could truly see myself.
When You Clean Your Mind, Your True Self Is Revealed
I remembered when my father’s business went broke, my brothers and I had a difficult time attending school. I gave my paycheck to my parents when I got a job at the bank. I also helped my brothers in their business. It was the same story when I was married. I thought I had to take care of everybody else without ever caring for myself. I wanted to make my family comfortable by making money and that was all I focused on in life.
But now, in my adult life, it was becoming very uncomfortable for me. I was frustrated when I saw that my brothers couldn’t take care of their own businesses. All of their money problems had strained our relationship. My problem was that everybody expected my help and now the only one really struggling was me.
I Never Truly Lived While Seeking Money, Fame and Success
In my late 40s, the impending stresses of preparing for my retirement and preparing for my children’s marriages and their financial stability only seemed to make my mind feel heavier. My family didn’t seem to recognize this. So, I let go of all of my feelings about family and my brothers. Looking back, the thoughts I had were like shackles. I judged everything on the basis of whether or not I should step in and take responsibility since I was the rock – or the strength in my family. I thought we wouldn’t be able to really live well unless we were financially strong. But that wasn’t true. I had never really acknowledged all of my brothers’ efforts and hard work. My strong mind, or attitude, about always being the guy that bailed them out of financial woes had hurt my brothers. I was ignoring my own family because I didn’t think they appreciated me enough.
I became very humbled and sorry to my family. I started to feel the profound meaning in what it is to be a true loving family. I started to see how living in all of these self-imposed thoughts and memories was like a disease. I slowly became happy that there was a way that I could get rid of all of these useless thoughts and memories and relieve my mind.
After a week of being on my retreat, I went on a long family trip and kept on meditating. As I meditated, I found that my worries of dying and my family issues started to lighten up a bit. My mind started to become lighter. My body, which had always been so physically tired, felt restored. I realized that the “self” who was so scared of all these foolish worries was not the “real me.” I could see why the life I’d lived chasing money, fame and success was all in vain. It was because I never met the “true me” and because I was only living in the conditions and boundaries that I’d built up in my mind through my life.
Through Meditation, I Overcame the Fear and Stress of Death
I have lived without knowing what life really was. It was my illness that showed me. I was able to find my true self and now I’ve become humble and have begun to know the meaning of life. I always thought living meant making money and working, but that’s not living at all.
It’s now 2009 and I’m retired. I have had a healthy retirement so far. And I’m really happy to be able to help others with their lives. My doctor says my recovery was a miracle. I had no bad side effects or resistance to the medication. Is it because I’ve been able to maintain peace in my mind through meditation?
My doctor also says that my progress through his treatment was better than that of people who have received a bone marrow transplant. I’m part of the lucky 8%. But I think that my recovery came through meditation. How else could I have endured the tremendous fear, stress and frustrations of living with the possibility of death in a world without being able to let go and clean my mind? Now, I feel like I’m really living and I’m happy in all the things that I do. I want others to know the true meaning of life before they get as sick as I did. Let’s all learn to truly live!
