Santa Clara Meditation Self Reflection – I Am Most Sorry To My Mother, My Sister And My family, And Am Thankful
Min Jung Seo
I first came to the main center by my mother’s recommendation. I went to the center with my sister, and since my mother said I would be sharing a room with my sister, I thought that’s how it would be. However, when I got there, it turned out I had to share a room with two people, whom I didn’t know, but that I would be meditating together with. At that moment I wanted to go home and my drive to meditate decreased.
On the first day, I was a little annoyed. During the meditation, they talked about the universe, the moon, the stars, and taught the meditation method. At first I had nothing to lose. Even though I was forcing myself to do, I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing, and the time was so boring. But by reflecting upon myself little by little, I realized that although I had been confident that I had positively changed, I had only made superficial, outwardly appearing changes. I was confused with myself and it was difficult to admit what I had just discovered. However, I continued to repeatedly throw away. Although I would lose concentration from time to time, I determinedly made up my mind and after doing so the meditation went well.
Looking back on myself, I was so embarrassed and disgusted with myself to know that I was only concerned with my appearance, was self-conscious of how others viewed me, and lived cursing people in my mind. Also, I thought that I did treated the people around me well, but that was all in my imagination, those were simply my thoughts, and I was exaggerating my treatment of others. I especially felt sorry and grateful for my mom, sister, and other family members. Now I will live always reflecting back on myself and living with gratitude!!!
