Santa Clara Meditation Stress – I Could Let Go Of My Inferiority Along With Anger
Jun-yong Um / Taxi Driver
Jun-yong Um had been a banker, and after his retirement, he opened his own small business. But he lost everything due to the economic situation in South Korea (The 1990’s Korean Financial Crisis). After that, he became a taxi driver. He had to drive 16 hours a day and deal with intoxicated passengers. Right around the time when he realized why everyone says being a taxi driver is very tough, he found the meditation. But, after going through this meditation, he started to enjoy his job even if he had to deal with weird passengers and heavy traffic. Now he knows how to throw away his anger right at that moment, every time he feels it. He wants to convey the freedom he feels while living life.
I used to be angry all day long because I was concerned with how much income I could make per day
At first, It was not really easy for me to drive 16 hours a day. I always felt irritated and nervous and always felt like I was being chased by something. For a taxi driver, every minute is a penny. In order to pay the bills, I had to rush all the time. If there was a day I had to be stuck in traffic for more than 30 minutes, that’s when I get in trouble. On the days like that, I had to work so much harder in order to make up my regular income. That was when I got really angry and nervous and even those emotions became worse when I was stuck in traffic.
Moreover, I had to deal with many stressful situations such as violent drivers and difficult passengers. I met some passengers who cursed at me for no reason. Also, some intoxicated passengers would pull my hair and neck so hard. So, I was fearful of what kind of passengers I would meet that day.
Also, I had trouble communicating with passengers. Some passengers would get mad at me for the way I responded to what they said.
This meditation allowed me to cope on a day-to-day basis and it enabled me to throw away all the suppressed anger within me
Every time I had trouble communicating with passengers, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t fight back with them and I had to suppress my anger within me. But, after I practiced this meditation, I usually parked my car and meditated in order to throw away my anger whenever I had just dealt with difficult passengers. This meditation helped me cope because I could let go of my frustrations and heavy heart that I created after the failure of my business. Every time I was done my meditation, I could relax my mind. Whenever I have time, I usually go to the meditation center nearest me and meditate.
Honestly speaking, I was the kind of person who liked to argue and didn’t want to lose any arguments. I always thought, “I used to be great person, I shouldn’t be treated this way.” Upset, that is how I felt whenever I felt mistreated by difficult passengers. I found that it was an expression of my inferiority. I just couldn’t let my anger and resentment pass because of my victim mentality. But, when I threw away my pride and inferiority, I could see myself and how I was uselessly attached to a past that was already over. I could see how silly I was.
Also, I could see why I had struggled to communicate with passengers. I realized that I didn’t have a sincere heart when I talked to passengers. I would just absentmindedly say, “Yes, yes” because internally I wanted to tell the passenger off, “It’s bothersome, so just stop talking.” I didn’t want to be bothered to converse with anyone. They felt my heart, and they didn’t like my attitude. I had the mindset of looking down on and ignoring other people, and put up a wall because I didn’t want to communicate, internally thinking, “Enough. It’s annoying. Could you just stop it now?” I could find these minds and let them go through this meditation.
I felt that my taxi used to be narrow and stuffy, but now I feel that my taxi is wide-open space, and bring me a freedom
After I have thrown away these minds, my attitude towards the passengers has changed. I can just listen to what they say and I can understand them. I can see how their minds become comfortable while pouring out their hardships to me. After they are done talking, they apologize to me for talking nonstop.
After throwing away my minds, I have become relaxed and my taxi job has become easy. I’m no longer chasing money and time, and I’m able to drive with a relaxed mind. Because of that, I am now able to make more income. I used to feel that my taxi was tiny and stuffy, and when I slept, I would have nightmares about being trapped in a taxi all day, but now my taxi is a wide-open space, just like my mind and it brings me freedom. Now I am able to appreciate each passenger that comes to me, and I treat them like my family members.
Because of these passengers I am able to earn an income. I also feel good whenever I am able to help the elderly or those people who are in critical condition and whose bodies are uncomfortable, helping them to get in and safely take them to their destination. My fellow taxi drivers usually go hiking on their days off because they want to let go of their minds of stress. But, I now recommend them to go to the meditation center because this is the best way of letting go of stress minds and finding true happiness.
