Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – The Dilemma Between Sister-in-laws Solved Through Meditation
“I once wanted to kill my sister-in-law!” Wow, I just received a scary lead like this. I knew relationships between sister-in-laws can be strained, but it was really disconcerting as I, reporter Choi, don’t have a sister-in-law. I immediately went to interview the woman for a ‘Real Talk.’ She said she wanted to be an angelic sister-in-law, but her sister-in-law became her enemy. However, as the woman meditated, she came to understand her sister-in-law’s perspective. Is that really possible? I had my doubts, which slowly evaporated while talking to this bright-faced woman.
Why was your relationship with your sister-in-law so bad?
To put it simply, my sister-in-law only cared about herself. In short, she made a fuss if people didn’t celebrate her birthday even when she didn’t know when my birthday was. It was like this for everything. For example, even after she got married, she would wake up late and eat meals that have been prepared for her. But if I didn’t do even the smallest of things, she would go crazy. Everything she saw, she judged.
She’s really rage-inducing. But if it was that bad, why didn’t you tell her?
Yes, I did try. I told her as carefully as I could, “Sister-in-law, I hope you can fix these aspects about yourself.” But all that came back to me was her, ‘She cursed me!’ If there was something she was even a tad upset about, she would talk behind that person’s back to this and that person. And when she got upset by that person, she would call me to gossip. She gave herself a lot of self-credit for what she did. After a huge incident, the entire family was in an uproar. In short, she was the family troublemaker. But what could I say? I would just be fuming inside.
I heard that relationships between sister-in-laws are not good.
These days, that’s not always the case. However, in my case, there were so many different overlaying situations. Actually, for a long time after I got married, my husband and I didn’t have a child. Even though we tried so hard, I couldn’t conceive. Whenever I saw pregnant women, I saw fire in my eyes. Later my sister-in-law had a shotgun wedding. I thought I was going to be an angelic sister-in-law. But I was jealous when I saw her pregnant. Of course, I didn’t show my emotions. Whenever there were family affairs to be taken care of, I stepped forward to be considerate of her since she had children to take care of. But that, along with her self-centered personality, ignited into her becoming my enemy. And then last year when my chronically-ill mother passed away, there was an incident with my sister-in-law, which was the last straw that completely soured our relationship.
What on earth happened?
During the funeral, my sister-in-law vented her suppressed emotions about her family that she had been accumulating. I said something while listening to her. But she misunderstood my words, twisted the story, and spread those rumors. I was really exhausted at the time, feeling empty inside, depressed and lethargic. It was hard for me since I thought that I had to sacrifice myself for my family. And I was sad since everyone else had a son and a daughter, but I was the only one who had to take care of many things without the support of children. But what my sister-in-law did at that time was the finishing blow. She was the one who made it harder for me when I was going through my most difficult times. After that I thought, ‘It’s over with her. I can’t forgive her.’
It was that severe? How did that situation get resolved?
One of my relatives recommended this meditation because I was going through such tough times. It was really hard to think of my sister-in-law during meditation. For days I got rid of pictures of her in my mind and I threw them away. Then, at some point, I felt like everything had suddenly been unclogged and the energy was surging through my whole body. I felt as light as a feather. And I realized that I had such bad pictures in my mind that they had made me sick. I heard that taking a picture out of my mind is better than eating healthy food, and now I understand what that means.
You realized the power of subtraction. Tell me more about what it’s like to have pictures saved in your mind?
It means that I took pictures of what I had with her, what I had been feeling at that time, and stored them all in my brain. Just as it’s different for everyone to accept the same situation, I took my own pictures and was stuck in them. During meditation, I made a promise to myself, “I will fight against her and win against her.” (Laugh) If you keep taking out the pictures, you’ll get out of the picture world. I was able to see her objectively, and later I even felt sorry for her.
Wow, I don’t think it’s easy to do that. That’s an amazing experience.
When I threw away my minds, I could see my mind clearly. I’ve only criticized her until now, and I’ve never accepted her, not even once, as family. She’s my family yet I’ve been arguing with her all this time. I wanted to hear from her that I am a great sister-in-law, so I pretended to be cool and collected on the outside. But there were a lot of things I wanted from her. I hated her more because she couldn’t meet my expectations. She always said she had grown up lonely. So I thought I’d love her more.
How has your relationship with your sister-in-law now changed?
A little while ago, she sent me a text message saying, ‘I love you. There’s no one but you.’ (Laugh) She’s kind and reconciles well even after a fight. When I accepted her as family, I treated her well with all my heart, so she’s different towards me. I feel like I can communicate happily with her. We should live well together.
That’s great. You really don’t have any of your past feelings left?
Yes, I feel really comfortable and light now. When I was meditating and took out the pictures, my hatred and resentment disappeared. My husband knew I was not on good terms with her, so he is also amazed.
I’m sure many people are having a hard time because of a person they hate. Could you please say a few words to them?
My sister-in-law was my enemy. But when I was meditating, I saw she wasn’t the only enemy. If you look at everything negatively, envy others for being good, and wish the best only for yourself, then for anyone with such a mind, everyone can become your enemy. After all, it isn’t my enemy that makes it difficult for me, but it’s rather my mind. If you don’t quickly throw away your minds, your minds of enemy will grow bigger and bigger. Imagine living with such feelings every day. It’s terrible. I’d like to tell those out there having a hard time because of a person they hate to throw away those minds as soon as possible. When I threw away my minds, as a bonus, I even came to understand the principles of the world. I always felt empty and afraid of the future, but now I am grateful for everything and have great faith in the present. I’ve come to know all of this thanks to my sister-in-law. So it’s great that I got to meet her, isn’t it? (Laughs)
