Santa Clara Meditation Positive Life Changes – What should we do to be good parents?
As a parent being the best I can for my two children has been my goal in life. One of my children has been stuttering from a young age. I found this very difficult to endure. From the moment he opened his mouth to speak, we would both get very nervous. He must have stuttered more because he got scared of me observing his distorted facial expression every time he spoke. I ran to the speech therapist and complained that I despised his stuttering and facial expressions while speaking so much that I felt my heart was burning, but nothing changed. A friend of mine, who was struggling with parenting, introduced me to meditation. I have a deep desire to get out of this painful reality even a little, so I started meditation.
Have you ever read a children’s book called ‘I talk like a river’ by Jordan Scott, a Canadian poet? Jordan Scott had a fluency disorder as a child and continues to stutter slightly. In this book he states that he wrote it for his father, who always cared for him, who had been embarrassed during presentations in the classroom. “Bubbling, churning, whirling, and crashing. … My dad says I talk like a river. … And I also think of the calm river beyond the rapids where the water is smooth and glistening. This is how my mouth moves. This is how I speak. Even the river stutters. Like I do.”
Only after meditating and discarding the illusions in my mind did I realize that my child is perfect as he is now. Every time he talks, his facial expressions distort and he makes strange noises, but to me he is the most beautiful being in this world.
What are good parents? Before meditation, I thought that I would be a good parent if I provided a good educational environment with a balanced nutritional diet, traveled once or twice a year, and gave good economic education for the child’s future. And I thought that I would be a good parent if I read children’s books before going to bed, play soccer that my child likes on weekends and invite friends to birthday parties. I made numerous commitments to myself, such as not having domestic disputes, not misrepresenting others, not talking about politics, living modestly for the planet….
The teacher who teaches meditation listened to my story and shared some wisdom stating, ‘If you want to raise a child well, you yourself need to be true first and throw away all the countless thoughts about your child. This way the child can develop independence and live well as an independent individual even when he grows up.’ From that time on, I happily discarded the illusions in my mind. I continued discarding the moments where I was scared and embarrassed because I was too immature and inexperienced while raising a child. I even discarded my desire for him to grow up as a competitive person in order to survive in a capitalist society and my pride in seeing my son inferior while being conscious of other people’s gaze.
As these thoughts were thrown away, I was able to breathe properly and my headache disappeared. And my speech and actions became softer and more relaxed. As my mind grew through meditation, I was able to take care of my child. I became a comfortable and warm mother. Naturally, his stuttering reduced and was becoming mild. People around me tell me that they hardly notice he is stuttering.
Aren’t good parents the people who embrace their children? Just as we humans get the courage to rise again in great nature when we are tired and exhausted of life, good parents, like Jordan Scott’s father, must have the heart to acknowledge and accept their children as they are. Maybe our second child gave me the gift of stuttering to become a mother with a heart of nature that flows magnificently and goes to the sea even though it is bubbling, churning, whirling, and crashing like a river instead of living in a narrow world.
by Donna Seo
