Santa Clara Meditation Happiness – I found Truth. My anxiety and depression reduced and I have found happiness, internally.
Jacqueline J. / Santa Clara University Student / Santa Clara, California
Before I started meditating, I used to pity and feel sorry for myself all the time. Questions always came up in my mind such as: Why am I here? What is my purpose in this world? Do I have a purpose? I did not have a reason for those questions. Because of that, I have felt so much emptiness, loneliness, and worthlessness.
I didn’t feel like I had a reason to live. I would think and ponder about suicide and not wanting to exist. I was going through a lot of pain and suffering. I was diagnosed as schizophrenic and bipolar. I couldn’t figure out who I was. I lost my sense of self, along with my motivation to get up out of bed every day. My self-esteem was low and I had no self-confidence. I used to hate myself and think mean things about myself. I would constantly blame myself and beat myself up about my trauma and how I endured suffering, causing myself to feel shame and guilt. I had so much anxiety, fear, and depression.
This was all before I came to Santa Clara Meditation center. After I started meditating, I threw away and surrendered all these thoughts and mental pictures of the past that they no longer affected my present. I did not feel as much loneliness because my emptiness disappeared. I no longer feel suicidal because I know my purpose and the answers to the questions I so desperately needed at the time. I found Truth. My anxiety and depression reduced and I have found happiness, internally. I don’t need my mental pictures as much as my mind tricked me into believing I did. I now live in the present moment each and every day.
