Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – “What Kind Of Mind Did You Throw Away Today?” A Couple Empties Their Minds Together
Jong-sang Shin / Government Official
In the 9th year of my marriage, a serious problem appeared in my home. Before we were married, my now-wife had been sick, but now her illness became a bigger problem for the entire family. It seemed like she was just always sick and it was becoming harder to deal with on a daily basis. I tried my best to show empathy and be understanding, but I soon began to dread coming home. As my wife’s illness got worse, so did our fights.
A wife with an unknown illness, difficult times for our family
My wife went to a major hospital to undergo surgery, but the disease and cause were still unknown. My wife’s nerves became sharper and sharper. The arguments became worse and worse and we hurt each other’s feelings. She went to all kinds of places to try to cure this illness. Eventually, she said she wanted to meditate. I agreed at the time because we were in a difficult situation. Our two young children went to stay with their grandmother, and during her summer vacation in 2002, my wife left for a three-month meditation retreat.
Amazing changes took place after those 3 months. When she came back home, her eyes were shining and her face had become clear. My wife became more affectionate than when we were newlyweds. Before, if I came home a little bit late, she was always irritated and it led to a fight. But now, she became tolerant of my working late, as well as things outside of work.
Just like when we were dating…
She returned home after her meditation retreat as the same woman she was when we first started dating back when it was lovely just to gaze into each other’s eyes. She became more confident after overcoming her mental crisis. She became vibrant and it was as if she had never been sick at all.
Before that, even though she was sick, she was concerned about every little detail with our children, which created friction between us. But now she knew how to let go of trying to control her children. The change in my wife has made our home more harmonious than ever.
Now I wanted to do better for her. I didn’t express it on the surface, but I thought, ‘this meditation really works.’ One year later, during summer vacation, my wife recommended that I attend a meditation retreat. I wasn’t reluctant to go, but I thought I should to do what she said anyway, and started to practice meditation.
After meditating for a week, I started to see the reason behind my wife’s positive change. I began to look forward to letting go of all or my previous thoughts and standards.
After practicing this meditation, I know why my wife became positive
It wasn’t easy to take another vacation, but my job granted me one more week to keep meditating. Since I was a young boy, I always loved daydreaming while looking at the night sky. It seems like I lived in another world, far from reality. I grew up as an introvert. However, I tried to seem outgoing because I didn’t want to appear shy to others. Because of this, I inevitably had a pretending mind and lived with worry and inner conflict.
I came to know that my desire to protect myself in various ways had always made things difficult for me. I realized that wanting to look good, seeking honor, and everything else were not the original mind. After throwing away those obsessions, the minds which were always like a noose around my neck were cut off and disappeared. Now I am very happy because I am living proudly as my true self, not as a phony.
Family Happiness restored. Work efficiency increases
With less time wasted on daydreaming and delusion, I always have a clear mind at work and in my everyday life. When there is stress or conflict, I let go of those things through my meditation practice. Before, I often heard people say that I am prickly. Now, my employees say I’ve become more gentle.
I meditate with my wife. On the way home after meditating together, we discuss what kinds of things we threw away. My wife, who’s now found her health, became a substitute teacher. It’s so good to see her living life fully. When my wife was sick before, I said, “You have to change your mind. Then, you will get better.” Even though I couldn’t take care of her, I forced my wife to change first. Now I try to help her by doing things or taking action rather than just saying things with words.
Next door, we have a family that is the same age as us and they have children the same age as our’s. They envy us and say that we are such a happy and peaceful family. The years that I struggled are now only dreams of the past.
