Santa Clara Meditation Personal Growth – I Learned How To Love Me And Others
Min Ae Moon / Interpreter
I followed a younger friend to meditation seminar and it was a turning point in my life. This meditation is all about learning how to clean the mind. And I was able to do this meditation because I had constant encouragement from my friend and other people around me.
I’ve never seen the world in the correct way because I had so many feelings of inferiority and superiority. My feelings stemmed from being obese as a child, and being teased by those around me. I have received a lot of unwanted judgments. When my relatives came to visit, the first thing they would say to me was “Hey, you should lose some weight.” Even just walking down the street, I always felt like people were laughing at me.
Every time I heard teasing, I would pretend to be happy and pretend there was nothing wrong with me, but at the same time my heart was bleeding with wounds. I was always afraid of getting hurt, so I always tried to avoid being looked at too closely by the people around me. As a result, my personality became quiet and shy. I always thought, “who would like someone like me?”
As I began practicing this meditation, I found out that I had never truly seen the world as it is. If someone praised me, I couldn’t accept it as it was, and I found that it is because of my inferiority. I also learned that I lived with a lot of judgments of myself. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I had no patience for others. I didn’t think I could do certain things in my life.
But after abandoning these negative thoughts, I found that people’s prejudices and teasing were actually due to prejudice and teasing from within me. I was distorting what people said. I was the one who pushed others away and rejected the interest and love from the people around me. There were so many changes when I completed the second level of this meditation, I felt as though I’d climbed beyond the mountain of my inferiority.
I was able to listen other’s words as they were without prejudice and misinterpretation.
Since I started meditating, when I work, my mind is clear and feels lighter. My life has become so exciting. I am now working as an interpreter for the UK Ministry of Interior, Courts and Police department. It is always a job that attracts the attention of many people. Without an interpreter, things couldn’t go on, so each side is always waiting for the interpreter to speak. When I first served at the Supreme Court, I was reported on in the media. I received a request to interpret and the court was filled with high-ranking government officials as well as journalists from various newspapers. It was about the security of the Prime Minister’s residence, and it was the first time I had to take on such a big issue.
I was interpreting for the defendant in this case which was a Korean male, but my attention was focused on “me” because his words and the words of the judge, prosecutors and lawyers went through me. The trembling and shyness of interpreting made me helpless and I just wanted to run away and hide. The expectations focused on me made me feel like I was putting myself in this important situation without enough confidence.
I thought that if I couldn’t get out of this mindset, I would never really be able to show my ability. And I felt that I could not run away anymore. When I was focused on myself, I couldn’t even hear other people’s words, but when my “self” disappeared and I became the mind of the Universe, I could hear all the stories around me, so I could maximize my work processing ability.
The trial lasted several months, and when he was finally convicted it was indescribable. In the past, I couldn’t hear the other’s words properly due to my own sense of inferiority and superiority. But now, little by little, I seem to be learning to love myself and love others.
