Santa Clara Meditation Depression – I Found the Peace I was Longing for
Gloria Ramirez / registered nurse
It’s been a pleasure from the beginning to experience this meditation. The reason I came to the center was because I was having trouble sleeping, anxiety attacks, and depression. My life felt like it was coming to an end and every day I felt worse and worse. I lived just to live, afraid of the future and the present; I was feared in my own home by my roommate and son because I would always come home angry all of the time. I did not feel like speaking with anyone and everything bothered me. My son would ask me a question and I did not have the patience to deal with it or with him and would break down and cry because my expectations were so high for him. I wanted him to do everything I wanted at that very moment with no questions asked. I felt lifeless body going through my every day routine only because I knew that’s what I had to do. On my days off I would only want to sleep to avoid feeling isolated and depressed. I tried going to the spa and the church, and therapy would help for a short while then I would return to my depressed state. I was fearful of everything in life, I did not believe I could graduate my masters anymore; I now hated and would feel sick at the sight of one classmate that had been pushing me all these years to finish. In short, my life was no longer meaningful and in need of big change.
One day when I was at the spa I came across a pamphlet for this meditation and began reading it while trying to relax in the sauna. It struck me as interesting and at that point I had told myself “this could be good for me, with the way I feel lately I don’t have anything to lose”. I called the center to make an appointment and was able to visit that same day. I came to the center and wasted little time signing up because I was so desperate to find help. I told myself “I will try out this method for one month then I will leave it”. I began showing up and felt peace immediately, I like the center because I lost track of my worries while I was there. At times I found it difficult to sit still for long periods of time because of my anxiety especially if I was having problems I would get up and go home. The person that was acting as my guide would never tell me anything and let me go home, and that’s when I realized that the center did not impose any rules on me and only wished that I meditated. I began to feel better as my anxiety decreased I was able to sleep more and every day I felt like a better person.
One day I saw my friend again from school that I hated with so much passion and I was surprised that I was able to speak to him without those feelings of hatred I had before as if he never did any damage to me. I left school for several months but I returned a better person able to complete my masters with confidence. Now I feel better with each passing day, I am able to enjoy my family and nature more. My temperament has cooled down, I get frustrated less, I have more patience and don’t anger as easily. I am able to sleep like a baby, make hard choices more easily, I laugh more and feel no depression or anxiety, and I feel reborn. My life has meaning and purpose and that has motivated me to continue meditating. At the center I found the peace I was longing for, and a family that accepts me and makes me feel good.
When I go to the center now I don’t feel like leaving because the peace I find there is unique. I went from isolated and depressed to happy and energized all thanks to this meditation and the lovely people at the center. I never felt judged or criticized there, they accepted me and made me feel welcomed and now I feel happy. I have about a year attending the center and I have to say it is worth it to take the dive and get involved. What the center has done for someone in my condition they could do for others to bring their life joy. Don’t put off something until tomorrow that you could do today. It’s been a pleasure to share my experience and I could hope that you too may challenge yourself to take this opportunity to find peace in your life.
