Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – Interview With A Woman Who Escaped A Divorce Crisis Through Meditation
A slave-like wife?
A friend-like wife!
I, reporter Kim, met a housewife who is the mother of 3 boys and girls. After twenty-one years of marriage, she was even on the brink of divorce because of her husband who often lost his temper. But the protagonist of this amazing tale-with-a-twist solved these problems through meditation! She says she now jokes around with her husband, whom she was once afraid to talk to. This is the true story of housewife who attests to her 180 degree transformation through subtraction.
Was your husband that scary?
Before, I used to be comfortable with my husband. Initially, we lived with my parents-in-law for 10 years as he is the third of five siblings. But about 10 years ago, I got sick and his parents moved to their oldest son’s house. I think my husband changed after they left. Later, my husband would say all sorts of terrible things to me, even calling me human trash in front of the kids.
Oh, that must have been hard.
At that time, I couldn’t see anything in front of me because it was so hard. My husband once shouted, ‘I can’t live like this,’ So I answered, ‘Yes, let’s stop living! I can’t live either!’ Then, his face changed. He didn’t expect I would react like that. (Laughing) I felt as free as a bird. After that point, I went to a family counseling center because I was so frustrated. The people there could not give me any answers. I regretted it because they let me keep talking. And the more I went, the more naked I felt. I went because before getting a divorce, I wanted to at least know what I had done wrong.
You must have been very curious to know why your husband was like that?
I had done everything he wanted me to do. To put it mildly, I was submissive, and to put it bluntly, I was an idiot. Even when I kept listening to his criticism, there was no solution. While I was sleeping, he asked me for water so I got up to get him water. I would give him massages in the morning and evening, put him to bed and wake him up. But he kept telling me, ‘You haven’t been raising the kids well and I can’t live with you.’ I cried because I was sad and depressed. But what could I say to the kids? Mom and dad were a mess, too. One day, my husband wanted me to meditate. He heard from an acquaintance that it was good. That’s correct, if I didn’t meditate, I would have been sucked dry to the point death. Then a miracle happened.
How did you feel after trying meditation?
When I meditated, my minds really disappeared. At first I was only going to go twice a week, but because it was so amazing, I would go more and more frequently. I just loved it. The meditation teaches you how your minds can be discarded so that they really disappear, and you can actually acknowledge that they disappear. Before, the world was dark for me. When I realized that the universe was me, the world became bright and radiant. I’ve never felt this before! Also, when I meditated, I would cry so much that I was even given the title ‘Queen of Tears’ at the meditation center.
Not everyone can be the Queen of Tears.
I cried a lot while I was letting go of my minds. At first, I thought I was having a hard time because of my husband. But that wasn’t it at all. When I looked back on my life, I saw I was raised by a mother and grandmother who did not have husbands. So I thought I should serve my husband because I needed a husband to live. In a way, I was the one who spoiled my husband. It was all for me. I gave him water and massaged him to avoid unpleasant words from him. I would think to myself, ‘Ahh, am I your servant?’ And I guess he didn’t like it because he could feel it all. Also, I was quite terrible to my daughter. I realized that I was taking out my anger on her. I would wail during meditation because I felt so sorry to her. I told my daughter, ‘I’m sorry. I had such a hard time because of my husband’s treatment, but I did the exact same thing to you. I wanted our mother-daughter relationship to be that of friends, but I was actually harming you. Let’s throw away those minds. I’m really going to try.’ So she said, ‘Mom, I understand.’ My daughter did this meditation, too. I was very grateful to her for understanding me.
Wouldn’t your husband have wanted you to be his friend?
I know. He wanted what I wanted from my daughter. Later, I heard his side of the story. He wanted me to go out and do what I wanted to do. Every day, he asked me to go out to meet with friends and would ask me why I just stayed at home. My husband said he didn’t like it. I was always just taking care of the kids at home, and if he asked me something, I would say, ‘Ask the kids’ or ‘I don’t know. It’s up to you. How would I know that?’ So from his point of view, I was his ultimate source of frustration. Looking back, I went to the extreme over something trivial.
As those problems that once stifled your heart were resolved, you must have felt relief?
Oh, I felt like I was going to live. I thought I did everything well and he was the one who hurt me, but when I threw away my minds, it was clear that I was wrong. (Laughing) On the other hand, I think there were a lot of things I wanted and expected from my husband. I thought, ‘I am the third daughter-in-law, but I have lived with your parents for 10 years and I did as much as I could while I didn’t ask for anything.’ But actually no one asked me to do what I did. I did it just because I wanted to, and I realized that I had asked him to acknowledge what I had done. Upon realizing that, I was relieved of my expectations of him. I gradually felt comfortable around him. Now I just talk to him comfortably, and sometimes I feel like I have changed so dramatically it’s a complete 180 degree transformation.
Please show us how things changed and improved.
Now I can tell my husband, ‘You’re wrong!’ (Laughing) I comment on his words and express what I think. Then he listens to see if my words are accepted. He told me that when he used to talk to me, it was like he was talking to the wall. But he found that at a certain point, I had surpassed his level. (Laughs)
He must now be a friend-like husband who can laugh and talk with you.
Whenever I recalled the time my husband called me human trash, I used to cry. But starting from a certain point in time, when I thought of those words, I would laugh. How could he have spoken such precise words! I was not just trash, I was a trash can. I was a wastebasket filled with useless minds. But it really is amazing how I can now laugh at those words. (Laughs)
Your story has a fantastic twist ?
I know. I’m most grateful for my husband’s push to send me to the meditation center. I got the best gift in the world. If it were not for this meditation that allowed me to throw away, how would I have been able to live with my family like this? This meditation is the best way!
