Santa Clara Meditation Repentance – Oh My Father. Now I Am Able To See Things With My Heart
Keunwoo Kim / Bachelor’s Degree of Oriental Medicine
Keunwoo Kim whose father is an alcoholic and has a depression, also has a deep trauma after his brain surgery, has been anxious about his father, simultaneously Kim has been having a resentment towards his father. He also has been stiff to his father because he has a burden for being a first child of him. Kim said that he was a person who easily gets mad at every situation, also had been very stressful for his school work. And now this is the story about Keunwoo Kim who has started to understand his father and his life started to be changed after he met this meditation at his worst page in his life.
‘Try this meditation’ That was the first time that I heard about this meditation from the senior of my college
I had a senior whom I met at a social club in my colleague and we became a friend. But, I kind of felt uncomfortable whenever I dealt with him for some reason. The reason is the fact that he had lost his mother when he was young, and he started to keep making a distance with whomever he has had a relationship with. But, I don’t know when he seemed to become a bright person from a depressed person. He became the person who is very friendly to anyone and he has become the person who is able to make a joke. One day, I asked him that what made him be able to become such a bright person. And he chuckled and said “try this meditation”
I have become a junior year for my college. My father had a brain surgery and he had been the very suffered form it, and I had to see his pain. It was too painful to see his suffering as a first son, also he was at the crossroad between life and death at that time. I had a hard time to focus on my study as well, so I thought of quitting my college. I started to think of what my senior have told me about meditation. And then, I have decided to participate Summer boot camp of that meditation for college students.
Finally, I was able to escape from deep anger toward my father who easily showed his anger towards me.
In the third day of meditation boot camp, my sorrow had come out and I cried so hard. I have realized that I’m the most selfish person and I have never worried about my father, but me. And I always have been resentful towards him. I always have wanted to get sympathy from other people only for myself. I have been crying a lot since I have realized those things.
After true repentance through my heart, I have felt that the rock that has always been stuck in my chest and made me depressed has completely melted away. I felt really great and relived. For the first time in my life, I started to feel liberated from my burdens of heart. Since then, I saw so many different changes in me. My heart became so much lighter and my relationships with family had so much improved.
Previously, I have had resentments towards my father because he showed his anger towards me after he got drunk. I couldn’t have a single peaceful night because he always came back home and start to shout and yell. I had so many days that I didn’t want to come back home, and my personality had become unfriendly due to him. When I was in middle school my father used to be hospitalized due to his alcoholic and depression.
After I have thrown away my pain, I was able to see his pain, too
While practicing this meditation, all the minds that I have found were nothing, but only resentments towards my father. But, sooner, or later I was able to see my father from his perspective as I throw away more of my minds. Speaking of him, he lost his father when he was young, and he had to strive in many difficult situations without his father. That was the main reason why he had to be alcoholic for his stressful, fearful life.
When I have thrown away my pain, I was able to see his pain, too. I haven’t been able to considerate and appreciate to him for all of his efforts and sacrifices as our father. I was an awful son for him. Since then, my attitude towards him has completely changed. I showed him my appreciation for his efforts and we had a long conversation and a fun time together.
I am the only one who has changed, but the atmosphere of our whole family have changed. Now, his health condition has improved, and my sister who couldn’t have a good relationship with me called me a few days ago, and she appreciated me for being a good brother.
My relationships with family members and friends have completely improved when I could escape from prison like my mind
Not too long ago, I couldn’t get along with my friends because I had been anxious and serious all the time. But, as I cleanse my minds more, my friends start to recognize my change, and they told me that my face got much brighter and smiley. I used to be hot-tempered, but now I don’t get mad on anything, but laugh more.
Also, I used to feel stress whenever it was exam terms, but I don’t feel that way anymore. I could just try my best without any worries. My grades have improved a lot now. The most change in me is the fact that I am able to appreciate for whatever happens to me. Now, I am able to get along with anyone and be happy together. I’m really grateful to this meditation for my changes.
