Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – Complete Settlement Of Disputes Between Sisters
Once upon a time, there was not a sad sister, but an angry sister who never called her sister, ‘sister’. This younger sister would just call her older sister ‘Hey’ and she never hesitated to use harsh language when speaking with her sister. But three years ago, when her whole family did the meditation, her relationship with her sister improved rapidly and now she takes better care of her sister than anyone else. Let’s hear her confession and her story of maturation after a decade of bitter fighting with her older sister.
Since when have you had a bad relationship with your sister?
I think since middle school. Before, my sister totally used to be a friend to me. Later, there was no such thing as basic respect or courtesy. Whatever my sister said, I called her ‘Hey’. I didn’t treat her like my sister at all. If we had snacks, we used to fight saying, “I’ll eat it all!” “No, I’ll eat more.” Somehow I pushed her, and she hit me again, saying, “Why did you hit me? Why don’t you hit me harder?!” And then she would hit me more and more, which led to bloodshed. Strangely, we went to the same school for elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Also, we used the same study room and the same bedroom at home, so we slept together, ate together, and went to school together. As a result, the conflict continued. I would make a mess on her desk, spit on her pillow. I got a lot of revenge against my sister by doing things she doesn’t know about yet. (Sister, I’m sorry!)
I don’t think it’s worth fighting over. Isn’t it childish?
That’s what sisters do. We usually fought the most over our clothes. Both of us would put an outfit together for the next day the night before, and if our outfits overlapped, tragedy struck. “I’m going to wear this tomorrow!” “No, I bought it. Don’t wear it!” “I told you the first time, put something else on!” And then we would grab each other’s hair, high-kick each other, throw our hangers, scratch and pinch each other. I still have the scar. We fought intensely almost three or four times a week. If my sister accidentally hit me in the face, my glasses flew off and I would see nothing. Then I was angry and would curse while saying, “Crazy, I’m going to kill you!” Then high kick again! We wouldn’t have fought if just one of us would just be patient and put up with it for once. But things got worse and worse because neither of us was willing to give in.
Did you hate her so much?
Actually, my sister wasn’t such an odd person. I was strangely jealous of her. As she is the first child, she got a lot of New Year’s money from grandmother and mom took care of my sister more. Mom bought her more pretty clothes and sent her to more tutoring academies. And ever since we were young, mom often complimented her saying that my sister was smart and that her IQ was high. When I was in elementary school, I had an art teacher who would come to our house to teach, and my sister had a talent for art. Even if I was drawing with my teacher, everyone praised her. I hated my sister. As we argued so often, just looking at my sister irritated me. If she was ever nice to me, I would think, “Oh, what’s wrong? What do you want me to do?’ I couldn’t feel good will and my thoughts were all twisted. Even when she got her allowance from mom, I would say, “Why are you spending so much? Are you making money? It’s hard for mom, too.” Sometimes I said, “Why were you born? I don’t need you. I’d rather have a younger sister.”
Your parents must have been frustrated watching.
I’m sure they were. My parents punished, scolded and beat my sister and me, but we didn’t get along very well and our relationship didn’t improve. Maybe that’s why my dad suggested this meditation to my sister and me. At the meditation center, I looked back on my life even though it was short. Even to my mom, who was so good to me, if she did something I didn’t like, I would hit her, and I lived not thinking about anyone else. All this time, I’ve been cursing and being mean to my sister a lot. I was a real brat and nothing like a sister. I was just a brash little sister. As I kept holding onto the feelings of irritation and hatred for my sister, I found myself uncomfortable around everyone I met. Everyone I met seemed to reflect my internal mind like a mirror. I wondered why I had to struggle with such a mind and heart.
What did you throw away the most?
The really stubborn self. If I said I should do it, I had to do it no matter what. I never gave in, never respected others, and never ate anything I didn’t want to eat. A lot of that mean stubbornness is gone now such as when she went to wear something, even though I didn’t want to wear it, I would say, “No! I’m going to wear it!” Now I try and accept new things. And I’m not shy and afraid of people. I think I can do anything because my thoughts have turned positive. I think I can do well, so I try.
You two don’t fight over your clothes these days?
There’s nothing to fight about. If I want to wear the same clothes, I just adjust or make concessions, saying, “I’ll wear these shoes, you can wear those clothes.” Now, my sister gets worried when I come in late, we go eat at restaurants and go shopping together on the weekends. Whenever I buy or choose something, her advice is very helpful. It’s a small joy I wouldn’t have felt if I had been a brother.
Do you think your sister is a good person now?
Looking at her, I feel that the oldest is definitely different. When she gets paid from work, she buys things for and takes care of grandfather, grandmother, and our relatives. She is good with her hands and makes accessories and presents for mom and aunt, and I learn a lot from her. Now I acknowledge my sister’s good deeds without looking at them in a twisted way. In the past, when my sister took a picture with her boyfriend, they were both ugly to me because I hated her. But now I naturally say, “Wow, you look pretty. You came out well. It can be your profile photo”.
Lastly, what do you want to say to your sister?
It seems that until recently we’ve hurt each other for nothing. Now that we’re old enough, and we’re both good adults, I’d like for us to be considerate in our respective positions and be good sisters. It is said that sisters become good, inseparable friends as they get older. I think we will stick together forever like we do now. It’s really great and I am thankful that you’re next to me now. I’m so sorry for that I’ve done in the past and I love you.♥
